As I’m in the middle of putting together a project I thought I’m change up & write some pure black comedy… Well with a twist since I’m in Japan.
I think of all the intelligent people that I’ve met one person really sticks out. That’s this guy I knew named Char’s girlfriend Maya. The reason why she stick out is because she was about as smart as two rocks. He wasn’t too much smarter for staying with her but I’ll continue.
One day Maya got jealous over Char’s watch because he made a bet with her & said if he looses she could have the watch. So a few days later she told him if he wants to stay with him he has to give up the watch.
I had to ask… Just why does he have to give up his damn watch?
She said because he got it as a present from someone & it’s important to him.
Now I looked at Maya & noticed that she had on a Gold chain with her name on it, a gold chain with a cross, & 2 Luis Vuitton bags that she always carried around. So I asked her, where did you get your stuff? She said “My ex boyfriends gave them to me”. So I asked her “so will you give up your stuff too”?
She said “No I don’t have to… My stuff means nothing to me”..
I just had to tell her. Do you ever think a mofo might actually want his stuff cause it’s his or it’s nice or he might just need his watch?
She said “That can’t be”
So Char asked me what should he do later. I said he should put the bitches stuff outside the house, change the locks & pretend he never saw her before, but unfortunately he just couldn’t do it.
Then I asked him if there was anything that she said was ever precious to her. He said a guy she used to go out from Texas gave her a bracelet that she she kept. So I told him what to do.
When he came home from work they had dinner then she started to argue after he just checked the time on his watch. He then told her OK I’ll give up the watch but on one condition. She said then if you give up the watch you have to give it to me. (Good thing I prepared him for this). He said ok but you have to give me something too.
She said “I can give up anything because this stuff means nothing to me”. You want my bag, you want my chain?????
Char told her “No I want the bracelet the guy from Texas gave you for your birthday”….
Maya suddenly stopped… eh… huh…
Um I got to find it. I eh… don’t know exactly where it is.
Well after that Maya never bothered him about the watch again. Char still comes to work late everyday but at least he know’s he’s late.
And Maya, Char they eventually broke up. Maya once told me I’ll never be able to make it as a designer because I can’t do flash websites.
When was the last time you went everyday to a website that was moving & flashing & playing music… Almost never right?
Then I asked her well what about you what you gonna do with your life?
She said I’m going to go to Graduate School in the U.S.
All I thought was how the hell could a girl who went to College in Japan lived in Hawaii for 3 years going to a language School & lived in the States for 2 more years going to a LANGUAGE SCHOOL & still CAN’T SPEAK ENGLISH AT ALL possibly think that she could ever go to GRADUATE SCHOOL in the U.S.
She then told me “I can’t speak English because of Char”.
I said what?????
She said “Yeah he understands Japanese so I can’t speak English in front of him”
I said “WHAT?????”
I said “What language does he usually speak to you in?
She said “English”
I said “What???????”
“And who’s fault is it you can’t speak English???”
“It’s Char’s fault….”
(Me) ?????????? ….?????? What?????
I said “Anyway…. if you did get into graduate school what the hell would you study? I don’t think they have a “Shibuya University with School of Buying Cute Shoes” in the States.
She said “I’m going to study Color”
I said “Color as in interior decorating”?
She said “No just Color”
I said “as in Red, blue, green, purple type of stuff”
She said, “Yeah”
I said “…… ……. ….. color?”
“And who’s going to pay for you to live & study… Color… In the U.S., aren’t you over 25 already?
She said, “My parents”
I said “Dang you better be a sales person if you convince your parents to let you waste their money studying “color”. If I was them I’d give you paint bucket, a gift certificate to a hardware store, & tell you to get a damn job…..